Valuing People

I'm sometimes hesitant when it comes to sharing my outlook on the role "other people" play in my life because I'm concerned that others will misunderstand or not take the time to appreciate what I actually feel.

The reason I have a hard time trusting that others will understand me in this regard is because on the surface it sounds shallow and self-serving.  And since you actually can, in truth, judge a book by its cover there is some truth to that judgment.  I am self-serving.  But I would not accept the word shallow.  Again, as with books, there is so much more if you go deeper than just the cover.

I value people.  When I meet someone I see a person who can help me out one day.  So I smile; I am nice and try to make their acquaintance when possible.  I try to at least take the time to be civil, if not friendly.  I suppose I am like the politician who sees everyone as a potential voter.  Unfortunately, this sounds like I dehumanize other people in my mind, only seeing them for what they can do for me.

I prefer to use a different perspective, however.  I value people and see them as having value, intrinsic and extrinsic.  I like them for who they are and for what they make of themselves.  I realize I am dependent on other people.  Certainly I worked hard to become who I am, but what would my school efforts be worth had I not had teachers to show me what to learn and how?  How could I have repaired my cars if a nice stranger hadn't let me use his garage and tools and hadn't shared his automotive experience with me?  Absolutely I worked hard, and in the end it was I who repaired the cars.  But that success, as with all my successes in life, were dependent on other people giving me some kind of help.  I value that help immensely.

And yet, is valuing people for what they can do for you any different from what we all do?  When we don't stop to talk to someone we pass by on our way, aren't we essentially saying that those people aren't worth as much as whatever we're doing at the time?  We value being on time more, or we value the people we are going to meet more than the ones we see on the street.  We value our friends more than strangers.  In that sense it is not fair to judge someone who goes out of their way to see value in people we normally don't value as much: "others".  When you stop and tell a child, or an elderly person that they are, in fact, important, isn't that a valuable thing?  And isn't it good to feel valued by other people?

At a certain point, the things that we get from other people, goods, services etc, become less valuable for what they are in and of themselves.  At a certain point they become valuable for the relationship that we have with the people who give us the service.  We value them and the fact that they are helping us more than we are even valuing the help itself.  I consider this one of the most important aspects of humanity.  In a sense it still is self-serving, but in another sense it is a reciprocal form of service.  We give to others in ways and at times that they need it, and they also help us in ways and at times when we need it.

♫Back to [grad] school, to prove to dad that I'm no fool♫

     I finally heard back from all my PhD program applications.  Only one of them completely accepted me so it made the choice a lot easier.  I was honestly worried about choosing the right path to balance what I’m good at and what I want to accomplish with my life.  I kept feeling like one or the other program would open some neat doors and close some others that I didn’t want closed.  So, the choice is removed and it’s just up to me to make what I’ve got work.  Sort of like an arranged marriage: you don’t have to worry about silly details like “does he fart in bed?” or “will she really keep calling her friends for 3 hours a night?”  You’re married so you stay in love and treat each other well because…that’s what you’re committed to.

     So the program will be Instructional Psychology and Technology at BYU.  This kind of psychology will not involve me prescribing people drugs.  And actually it will not take me so far away from the second language teaching and learning that I felt I should be doing.  The program focuses on research, instructional design, evaluation and measurement.  Basically I will learn how to help improve both the in-class and out-of-class experience for students.  I will have a second language focus and will be able to bend all my learning towards foreign language teaching and learning, whether that be during my program or afterwards.

     BYU will be great in its own way.  Tuition is cheap, housing is relatively cheap and the education is good.  Finding regular funding will be harder, though.  It’s a quieter campus and we like that; I’ll be there to study.  And it’s not like we want to take our children to all-night parties.  We have our own wild parties every night at home: they involve poopy diapers, karaoke to the same song 12 times in a row at 3am, and waking up in different bedrooms than you fell asleep in.  We won’t be missing anything.

     The hard part is that a position at Hawai’i just popped up.  It’s a place Trish worked and studied before, and the people there love her and want her back.  It’s a real salary compared to scrimping and saving while I get ready to be fully employed.  But we wanted to switch out and have Trish at home while I work, so this will be a bit of an adventure and lesson in humility and creativity (for both of us).

     I’m not sure all our friends will understand or agree with our decision.  But if you know us and the kinds of things we value and enjoy, the kinds of challenges we love to take on, then it probably will make more sense you’ll see how it fits in with who we are.  Trisha isn’t giving up her training or education, she’s applying it in a different way.  She certainly won’t be giving up mentoring or teaching—I’m not even talking about our daughter.  She’ll be helping me be a good graduate student.  In fact, a lot of my understanding of graduate school and a lot of what made my statement of purpose strong(er?) was based on principles that I’ve learned from her.  Furthermore, she’s more likely to go on foreign adventures in following my career track—yet another thing we value.

     So that’s the latest news.  We’re excited.  Perhaps best of all is that we finally know where we’re going next.  It’s like “I don’t care if you send me to a prison camp in the freaking Yukon Territory making Nutella out of ice cubes, just pleeeeeease tell me where I’m going already so I can start making some plans.”  The long weeks of desperation are over.

Speaking with the gift of . . . hands

     Speaking different languages has always been something that I’ve defined myself by as I’ve grown up.  In my last church congregation I was probably the most fluent French speaker and was asked to translate services for the French-speaking African immigrants and refugees.  I really enjoyed that. 

     In my current congregation we just had some deaf folks move in.  While I’ve known French for years, studied it at the university and spent a year and a half living in France, I’ve only audited 1/3 semester of ASL and then taken a few week long night school course in it.  So, comically, I’m once again the guy translating services.  Imagine a speaker, instead of just speaking, reading every letter of every word of their talk to you over the pulpit.  That’s me as I translate for deaf services.

     On the other hand, I think it’s a valuable Christian lesson for these deaf church members.  More than any lesson they are taught at church, more than any sermon they hear, each Sunday they have practical application of the gospel principles of 1) not laughing in my face at me, 2) patience, and 3) the gift of “tongues” (you should be laughing at least by that last one).

     It doesn’t take much for me to admit that I actually really love doing it, hard as it is.  Here’s a group of people that have been unintentionally marginalized in their own native culture.  For an immigrant, you just have to put in the time studying or hashing it out pointing at stuff until you start picking up some words and a bit of grammar.  But for a deaf person it doesn’t matter how hard you try, they will never get “an ear” for the language.  Even reading is, actually somewhat, based on oral speech.  What different does a letter make to you if it doesn’t represent a sound (or two or three :D )?  So learning through reading is still a bit hard.  So it gives me a greater-than-normal thrill to be able to help deaf people feel included.

     After services, there are usually a couple people who make the nice comment that they think it is “so cool” that I can sign.  I’m grateful for the kindness but I try to refrain from laughing out loud about how atrociously bad my signing ability is.  It makes me proud to be able to speak different languages and it does give me a certain pleasure that people notice it.  But secretly I wish the comments were more about how awful of a signer I am and that they should actually start signing themselves so they could do a better job of it all.  Then at least there would be a bunch of people able to communicate with our deaf friends.