Enough with the Mono y Mono jokes already. It's still not funny.

This is how I remember the conversation anyway…

Doctor: So Mr…Young.  How are you today?
Eric: I’m pretty sure patients don’t come in to slap you on the back and ask how the game was.
D: Let’s take a look at you.
…
D: You look sick.
Eric: I could have told you I looked sick even if I were wearing a paper bag on my head.  Did you see the rodent-sized critters setting up subdivisions on my tonsils?
D: You’re so smart, here’s some antibiotics.
Eric: How about let’s do some testing instead of guessing at it.  Maybe we could gag me for a Strep test?
D: Okay.
Eric: And here are some of my other symptoms.  And how long I’ve had them.
D: Oh my
Eric: “Oh my” is right.  What other tests can we imagine up while I’m in here paying for this visit?
D: How about a blood count?  And mumbo-jumbo test?  And weird Martian-word test that you can’t pronounce.  Oh, and maybe HIV too.
Eric:  Sounds like a good start, is that it?
D:  We could do a urinalysis too.
Eric:  Hmmm, that sounds effective.  Yes, let’s try that.
…visit with lab-tech…
…wait a few hours for phone call for first result…
…wait another day for next results…
<ring><ring>…<ring><ring>
Eric: Yes?
Lab-tech: Looks like you have Mono.  Are you married?
Eric: Shut up with the “where’d you get mono if you’re married joke” already.  I will have heard it 30 times by the time I write this blog post.  Geez, and now you too, imaginary memory of lab-tech girl on the phone?
Lab-tech: Oh by the way, whatever you do, DON’T TAKE  THE ANTIOBIOTICS that the doctor prescribed.  You’ll get a bad rash and it’ll really hurt.  Or you'll wake up naked in a pool of goo with leads attached all up and down your spine in the middle of some robot's harvesting field.  I'm not sure which.
Eric:  Hmmm, good thing the doctor warned me about this ahead of time.  I wonder if I can sell amoxicillin back...

I realize everyone was a lot more competent than this.  And yes, there was more than one visit involved.  And maybe a few of the details are getting fuzzy after a full week.  But that doesn’t take away my right to remember it all happening this way.